you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize