he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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