What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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