I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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