Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
