I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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