remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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