Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
