i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
