you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
