i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
