it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
