I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
zippers are such a cool invention
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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