Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
