No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
