please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
