The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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