I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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