I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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