This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
