dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
