Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
