Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize