cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
