I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
