You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
