guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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