I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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