Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
