3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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