why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
