Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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