I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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