Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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