once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
