she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
