Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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