drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
