well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
