i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
