I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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