if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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