My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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