Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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