ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
