THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
