Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
