im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
