i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize