She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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