Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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