i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
