true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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