You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
