He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
