she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize