sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
