So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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