I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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