Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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