Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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