I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
