from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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