i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
