Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
