It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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