what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
