Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
