Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
