It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
