waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
