ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
