I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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